These days, many women are married to their children and not their husbands. The bond that ought to exist between husbands and wives has been transferred to the children because the man is never around.
Many men are ceremonial husbands. They are just there. Their wives don’t feel their warmth, love and presence at home. These men just answer married men, but they are absent in their homes.
Many abandon their families for the love of tight vaginas and perky breasts. Others run around town with friends until it’s midnight before they crawl back home to snore away beside their hurting wives.
Even when these women try to initiate conversations, they are greeted with cold eyes, monotonous replies and more emotional disconnection that further cut their hearts to pieces.
Many Nigerian women are married in public, but are single mothers in private, because they are sharing homes with absentee husbands. These men just sleep, wake up, eat and go out.
Ceremonial husbands are always on the go. They are good at being absent at home. They can win awards for being absent husbands. There’s nothing their women enjoy, being married to them.
They don’t know what happens at home. They don’t know anything about their wives. They don’t know when she is happy or when she’s sad. They don’t know when she’s sick, or when she’s healthy. They don’t know when she’s having problems at work, or when she is promoted. They don’t know when her business is failing, or when she’s expanding.
These absentee husbands don’t know their women’s dress size, shoe size, not to talk of her bra and pant sizes. That one is out of it completely. They don’t even know when their woman is enjoying sex under them or crying because she is in pain from their sexual brutality.
They will start scratching their heads when you ask them her favourite perfume. They can’t even remember the last time they took her out, or bought her something that made her break into smiles and intermittent prayers for them. And these men still look at themselves in the mirror, pluck their pubic hairs and claim they are married. You should hide yourself in shame if you fit into the above description.
You see why you won’t blame women who transfer all their love to their children. They do this, because they want to feel loved. They lack the love and attention their husbands are supposed to give them, but get it from their children.
This is why when I see a man who keeps whining about his wife focusing on their children, I laugh. I am tempted to ask him what he was doing before the woman got to the point of transferring her love to her children. You live in the same house with her, yet you didn’t notice she was gradually slipping away from you emotionally, until she started pouring all her love on her children.
Men, wake up. This is a very dangerous time to be absent from your marriage. If you think you cannot be replaced by good-looking, sexy and magical finger- guys who know how to thrill your women, think again. Things are happening.
Women who are married to visiting husbands are sad, lonely and feel abandoned. Some of them don’t know what to do to get their husband’s attention, while others have lost hope of having a normal marital relationship with their husbands.
Men who use work and business to stay away from their wives need to know that one of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. This means things like spending long hours at work and following it up by a beer or hangout with the guys.
It is worse when you get home, that you don’t engage your wife, the mother of your children in any conversation. You don’t know how her day went or what happened at home in your absence. Instead, you lose yourself in football matches, playing games and watching late night movies.
Many men also use their weekends to play away from home. You start complaining about the messy house, then leave to run errands, and then you don’t come back for several hours. You leave your wife alone again and you think you are doing the right thing. When it really gets down, will those people you spend so much time with outside your home stand with you? Just think about it.
Nigerian men, stop hurting your wives with your absence from home. One of the most miserable experiences for a wife is that feeling of isolation when her husband is never around. Yes, she has friends and a job or a business. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the kids around and partaking in activities outside of her husband. It’s not the same. Her desire is to spend time with you, the man she loves.
To be left alone by her husband causes deep heartache for women. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks back with hurtful and disrespectful behaviour. Her ability to verbally hurt you is her strong weapon, and she uses it out of fear in an effort to try to get your attention. Why should your wife be fighting for your attention? Why did you marry her then?
When a wife begins to nag because you never spend time at home, never hang out with her, and never engage with the kids, chances are she is feeling abandoned and isolated. When you stop spending time together, the emotional distance between you two grows quickly. That is not a healthy relationship, no matter how you want to explain being a ceremonial husband.
Husbands need to work on their marriages. It is not a woman’s duty alone to keep a marriage. And marrying a woman is not an avenue to do whatever you want, because you are a man. If you don’t see the need of being present in your marriage, then remain single. A woman is not a beast of burden, neither is she a robot who should keep taking your misbehaviours.
Life is stressful. Don’t add to your woman’s stress by being a ceremonial husband. Change your attitude and be physically present to enjoy your wife, otherwise, someone else will.
Written by Charles Edwin-kentebe